The Insider Reports

A few gems encountered in the three years of pretending to traipse through law school. Let's not get apologetic shall we. "Wallow" has such a nice ring to it. If only the pigs hadn't made it so pedestrian.

"Justice while it winks at crimes
Stumbles on innocence sometimes."

"Justice must not only be seen to be done. It must be seen to be believed."

"The court will not deny equal protection of the law to the unwashed, unshod, unkempt and uninhibited."
(Herman Weinkrantz, ruling that disapproval of hippies should not interfere with their civil rights)

"This is a British murder inquiry and some degree of justice must be seen to be more or less done."

"How much justice can you afford?"
(Anonymous lawyer's answer to a client's demand for justice)

When a 10 year sentence was imposed on the accused:
Prisoner: My lord! Ten years! I'm seventy-six. I'll never do them.
Justice Stevenson: Ah well! Do as many as you can!

Scene from A Night At The Opera by the Marx Brothers where the artists are discussing the clauses of a contract:
"Groucho: Oh, that's nothing. That's the usual clause in every contract. It says that if any of the parties participating in the contract are shown to be not in their right mind, the contract is nullified.
Chico: What do you call it?
Groucho: That's what they call a sanity clause.
Chico: You can't fool me. There ain't no sanity clause!"

"The rain it raineth on the just
And also on the unjust fella,
But chiefly on the just, because
The unjust steals the just's umbrella."

"The law doth punish man or woman
That steals the goose from off the common,
But lets the greater felon loose,
That steals the common from the goose."
(Anonymous 18th century jibe at the Enclosure Acts)

"This is the grave of Mike O'Day
Who died maintaining his right of way.
His right was clear, his will was strong,
But he's just as dead as if he'd been wrong."
(Anonymous epitaph)

"Reform? Reform? - Why, aren't things bad enough already?"
(Lord Justice Astbury)

"The law in its majestic equality, forbids rich and poor alike to sleep under bridges, beg in the streets or steal bread."
(Anatole France)

"We all know here that the law is the most powerful of schools for the imagination. No poet ever interpreted nature as freely as a lawyer interprets the truth."

"The Lord Chief Justice of England recently said that the greater part of his judicial time was spent investigating collisions between propelled vehicles, each on its own side of the road, each sounding its horn and each stationary."

"This contract is so one-sided that I am astonished to find it written on both sides of the paper."
(Lord Evershed discussing a standard form contract)

"The difference between divorce and legal separation is that legal separation gives a husband time to hide his money."

"She cried and the judge wiped away her tears with my cheque book."
(Tommy Manville after his thirteenth divorce)

Letter to Aetna Casualty Insurance Co.:
Gentlemen,

I had an accident yesterday. I consider that neither vehicle was to blame but if either were to blame, it was the other one.

There now. I thought you'd like them.

Keep breathing.

(Alekhya)